What type of arguer are you? 

As featured in “How to give good confrontation” by Lizzie Pook

Anna Shields, co-founder and director of workplace mediation company Consensio, says a conflict-management tool called the Thomas Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument can help identify the six ways people deal with conflict. So, how do you argue?

The Turtle

Terrified of confrontation, you would rather retreat. Aggressive people thrive off conflict but will run out of steam if you give them nothing back, so look unfazed then calmly start speaking once the other person has stopped ranting. They will feel foolish.

The Shark

Known for ‘competing’, you react with a knee-jerk. Don’t jump into something when you are in fight mode. Pause, let it settle, and then if you still want to confront it, plan your conversation goal and wording in advance.

The Teddy Bear

Always accommodating, you downplay your own concerns to satisfy the needs of others. Think about what would benefit you from this conflict and speak up about it.

The Fox

Also regarded as the ‘compromiser’, you’re possibly the best person to have around in conflict scenarios because you seek a middle-ground resolution.

The Owl

Ever the optimist, you are the collaborator who looks for a solution that satisfies everyone. This can be exhausting if it’s your dominant personality type, but people will respond positively to you.

The Mute

You’re the one who would prefer to keep quiet when an argument starts. ‘Those who bottle up their emotions in an attempt to avoid confrontation will likely find their frustrations escaping elsewhere,’ says Thomas. ‘They may benefit from making notes about the points they want to raise in a discussion, so they don’t get flustered.’

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